A challenge currently facing many people in the world is how to persuade others to come around to their way of thinking. Many people who attend Stitt Feld Handy Group online conflict resolution training ask about effective ways to change someone’s mind. In our virtual instructor-led conflict resolution training, we offer many pieces of advice on how to persuade others and below are four tips that you can use.
One important way to persuade others is to listen. We often hear from participants in our online conflict resolution training that they talk to other people but the other people don’t listen to them. When people aren’t listened to, it is bothersome to the person speaking. There is a reason they are talking and generally a talker wants someone to listen to them. This is certainly the case when we are running our virtual instructor-led conflict resolution training and speaking to our participants. When we speak, we feel a lot better when people are listening. The real goal is to get the other person to listen to you and the number one way to get someone to listen to you is to listen to them.
We strive to implement different things from our mediation and negotiation teachings into our online conflict resolution training, and we implement the listening strategy to get participants to listen to us. In the virtual instructor-led conflict resolution training the interactive nature of the workshops allows us, as teachers, to listen to what the participants have to share. We have found that by demonstrating to the group that we are listening to them, our participants are happy to listen to us and to what we have to say.
A second method used to persuade others is demonstrating that you are open to being persuaded. In our online conflict resolution training we are often asked for quick and easy tricks to use to persuade others and this is the one that I give. We often go into a difficult conversation or a negotiation with a desired outcome in mind and are unwilling to be persuaded that we are wrong by the other person. As we discuss in our virtual instructor-led conflict resolution training, this creates problems with the other person because when we demonstrate that we aren’t likely to be persuaded by them, they are likely to demonstrate the same thing back to us and show that they are unlikely to be persuaded by us.
This unwillingness to be persuaded can be harmful to anyone attempting to persuade another person. The online conflict resolution training therefore gets to the issue and offers the idea that when we show the other person that we are willing to be persuaded by them, they are more likely to follow suit and demonstrate that they are willing to be persuaded by us. This is also why in our virtual instructor-led conflict resolution training we are open to hearing different thoughts from different people in our workshop. We are open to be persuaded by participants and it seems that the openness makes participants more willing to be persuaded by us.
The third way to persuade someone, as discussed in our online conflict resolution training is to use objective criteria. This involves taking factual information from outside the dispute or negotiation and using it to demonstrate that what you are proposing is in line with the norm. In our virtual instructor-led conflict resolution training we demonstrate the importance of having real factual information to stand behind, because that will be much more effective in persuading others rather than trying to persuade them subjectively.
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
Employers now expected to be much more flexible and adaptable
The COVID-19 pandemic has forced employers to grapple with all sorts of new and old issues:
Whether the topic is working from home, a request for accommodation, or a discussion around policy, any time two or more people are having a conversation to reach an agreement or resolve a conflict — it is a negotiation.
Therefore, while the questions above and the contexts in which they are asked may vary, the similarity is that all of these issues require skillful negotiation to achieve an optimal outcome.
So, how can we be better at negotiating?
The first step is to recognize that all of these situations are, in fact, negotiations and then bring your negotiation skills to the table.
Separate the people from the problem
Too often, negotiations and the solutions can become personal.
Maybe you really dislike the person seeking accommodation, or the colleague making the suggestion is someone you find very annoying.
Alternatively, perhaps you really like the person making the request and are empathetic to their position. In either case, the risk is the same.
How you feel about the person or the issue may impair your ability to rationally resolve the problem and this may lead to a result you will come to regret.
Roger Fisher, formerly of Harvard Law School, taught his negotiation students to “separate the people from the problem. Be soft on the people and hard on the problem.”
This is not always easy, but it is important if your goal is to achieve a rational and durable solution.
Given the length and uncertainty of the pandemic and the desire to maintain a loyal and productive workforce, being able to find solutions that fit while maintaining the relationship with your employees and colleagues is a critical goal.
Use objective criteria
Another tool to allow us to negotiate effectively is the use of objective criteria.
Objective criteria are external standards, policies, benchmarks and precedents which can guide us in our negotiations.
When you consult surveys regarding salaries in your industry, research how other companies are approaching working from home, or consult with your legal counsel about other cases dealing with accommodation requests, you are using objective criteria.
The skillful use of objective criteria can help you to persuade the other side that what you are suggesting is fair and reasonable, because it is consistent with how others are approaching the same challenge.
To enhance effectiveness, it is important to try to ensure your objective criteria are obtained from a credible source, are up-to-date and clearly similar to your context.
When someone is asking for something you are not inclined to give, one of the most effective approaches can be to ask them for the basis for their request. That is, you are asking for them to provide objective criteria to support their request.
Consider the interests behind the positions
People often take positions such as “I need to work from home.”
When that position is met with an opposing position of “No, you have to start working from the office again,” a conflict arises.
You have a much better chance to resolve the conflict if you can identify the underlying interests that support the position. That is, why does the employee want to continue to work from home? What needs, goals, concerns does the employee have that he/she is trying to meet by working from home?
Once you understand the employee’s interests and the interests of the employer (maintaining productivity, avoiding a bad precedent, etcetera), you may be able to come up with an option that satisfies the interests of both sides.
Shy away from ‘me vs. you’ situations
Anything you can do in a negotiation to move away from a “me versus you” approach is going to enhance the likelihood of achieving a good result, while maintaining the relationship with the other person or group.
For example, if an employee wants to continue to work from home after the pandemic and the employer would like the employee to return to the office, this could quickly look like “me versus you” or “employee versus the company.”
If you can change the discussion to focus on “how can we provide the flexibility you need for your child care arrangements while ensuring you meet our productivity requirements”, you have changed the conversation from “me versus you” to “us against the problem” and dramatically increased the likelihood of a positive outcome for all.
Any time you are working to reach an agreement or resolve a conflict, you are actually negotiating.
The pandemic has required employers to be much more flexible and adaptable regarding many issues.
In essence, the pandemic has required us all to have better negotiation skills.
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
