As a manager, you must have had many meetings with your staff, or with external business partners and others. There must have been instances when you have been terribly frustrated because your meeting was disrupted and all your attempts at reconciliation thwarted by an intimidating personality, an uncooperative person, or someone who was constantly negating what you said. However difficult the scenario may be, it is wise on your part not to take such behaviour personally. Instead, by identifying the personality types that can derail negotiations, and by handling such people in a clear, candid manner backed by proper techniques, you will be able to bring your meetings to their logical conclusions and to seal the deal.
To stop your planned meetings from going awry, and to effectively diffuse hostile discussions, you could try certain measures to resolve situations involving difficult and/or disruptive people.
The Antagonistic Type
This personality type is always hostile and comes across as intimidating. He believes that he is always right, and will verbally shut you down if you contradict his point of view. With this personality type, it is wise to draw your line firmly. Let him vent but do not allow him to become abusive. Once he has blown off steam, state your position firmly and leave no room for arguments, as you cannot “win” an argument with him. Always address him by name, and do not let go of your control at any time.
The Egotistical Type
These people are the know-it-alls. They know, or pretend to know, everything pertaining to the situation at hand. To keep in control of the situation when dealing with such people, it is essential that you know the facts and figures very well. These people are very proud of their knowledge. You should praise them so that they share their knowledge, which you can then use strategically.
The Sniping Type
This personality type tries to undermine your authority by making sarcastic remarks about the way you are handling things. She does not have the confidence to rage a full-blown war against you, but prefers taking potshots. The best way to handle such a personality type is to make her focus on the issues at hand, and to make her understand that you will not put up with her sniping. There is a good chance that she will stop when she gets this message from you, because she will want to avoid a direct confrontation with you.
The Whining Type
These people are forever whining and have a defeatist attitude. They tend to feel unimportant and resort to whining to gain attention. The best way to deal with such people is to listen to them and dismiss their fears logically. It is always wise to point out the positives to them rather than negatives. Another tip is to turn to the rest of the group for an answer when a whiner asks a negative question.
The Negative Type
These people have a naturally negative frame of mind. They also mistrust anyone in power. Negative minds can see no solution in any strategy. Stay in a positive frame of mind when dealing with such people. Do not argue with them, but keep to the facts, and discuss the facts and the solutions with emphatic logic that is hard to contradict.
The Manipulative Type
These people are the most difficult to handle. They don’t make known their real motives, and you try to guess what game they are playing. Rather than getting into a guessing game, it is imperative to get them to participate, so that they can put aside their own agendas and work with the team and for the team.
To have a meeting with little disruption, or to engage in a successful mediation, it would be wise to take note of the difficult personality types that you may interact with, and to understand the techniques that you should use in dealing with them.
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
There is something surreal about delivering a training workshop with the sound of the ocean in the background and the participants role-playing negotiation and mediation scenarios by the pool. As a new facilitator with the Stitt Feld Handy Group, I have had the opportunity to conduct conflict resolution workshops with Peter Dreyer in both Trinidad and Barbados. Location aside, however, I found that there were many wonderful things about our Caribbean clients that enriched my experience as a facilitator.
The participants, although keenly interested in learning about alternative dispute resolution, were also intent on enjoying themselves at the workshop. Whether it was a local expression that went over my head (but made everyone else in the room smile) or a hint of self-deprecating humour about their own cultural tendencies, there was always time for a quick laugh. These interludes were often quite helpful as they allowed the participants (and myself) to take a break from the material and come back more focussed. Moreover, as a new facilitator, I was truly grateful for the relaxed environment.
The participants’ responses to questions that at first glance would appear to be relatively straightforward were also thought provoking. When asked, for example, what types of logistical arrangements would be important in a negotiation (the typical answers being things like fax machines, telephones, and seating arrangements), one participant commented that in some circumstances it might be necessary to check the parties for weapons before allowing them to enter into the room. Another participant explained the cultural importance of food to people from the Caribbean and how sharing a meal was a social activity that brought people together. A third participant responded that sometimes it is best to get away from all of our modern technological distractions in order to have a more focussed one-on-one dialogue.
It was also interesting to observe how cultural issues and legislative developments influenced the participants. In Barbados, for example, a new law that would make it easier to prosecute sexual harassment cases was on the verge of coming into force when we delivered our workshop. This backdrop filtered into how the participants acted in one of our role plays that involves the sexual harassment of an employee. During this particular debrief, there was a heated debate about how the mediators felt compelled to be extra sensitive to the “victims” and how the “offenders” felt the need to continuously apologise for their behaviour, even though according to their instructions the facts were relatively benign. Other participants commented that physical contact, such as a pat on the back or an arm around the shoulder, was a part of their culture and they were concerned about the implications of the new law in this regard. It was inspiring to see the participants become so engaged in a debate about the challenges of mediating sexual harassment cases within the context of this new legislation.
Personally, I have found the opportunity to train clients from another cultural background to be both enlightening and humbling. Listening to a completely different perspective has been a wonderful way to engage myself in critically thinking about my own understanding of conflict resolution and I look forward to continuing to do so throughout my career in ADR.
Written by Nayla Mitha.
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
As a Sociology Major, I am always intrigued by the functional reasons underlying people’s behaviour. I found these quotes from Daniel Goleman’s book, Working With Emotional Intelligence particularly interesting:
“Emotions Are Contagious
All these abilities take advantage of a primal fact: We influence each other’s moods. Influencing another person’s emotional state for the better or worse is perfectly natural; we do it constantly, “catching” emotions from one another like some kind of social virus. This emotional exchange constitutes an invisible interpersonal economy, part of every human interaction, but is usually too subtle to notice.
[…]
In a primitive human band, emotional contagion – the spread from person to person of fear – presumably acted as an alarm signal, quickly focussing everyone’s attention on an imminent danger, like a stalking tiger.
Today, that same collective mechanism operates whenever word spreads of an alarming drop in sales, a coming wave of layoffs, or a new threat from a competitor. Each person in the chain of communication activates the same underlying emotional state in the next, and so passes on the message to be alert.
[…]
The emotional economy is the sum total of the exchanges of feeling among us. In subtle (or not so subtle) ways, we all make each other feel a bit better (or a lot worse) as part of any contact we have; every encounter can be weighted along a scale from emotionally toxic or nourishing. While its operation is largely invisible, this economy can have immense benefits for a business or for the tone of organizational life.”
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
As a Sociology Major, I am always intrigued by the functional reasons underlying people’s behaviour. I found these quotes from Daniel Goleman’s book, Working With Emotional Intelligence particularly interesting:
“Emotions Are Contagious
All these abilities take advantage of a primal fact: We influence each other’s moods. Influencing another person’s emotional state for the better or worse is perfectly natural; we do it constantly, “catching” emotions from one another like some kind of social virus. This emotional exchange constitutes an invisible interpersonal economy, part of every human interaction, but is usually too subtle to notice.
[…]
In a primitive human band, emotional contagion – the spread from person to person of fear – presumably acted as an alarm signal, quickly focussing everyone’s attention on an imminent danger, like a stalking tiger.
Today, that same collective mechanism operates whenever word spreads of an alarming drop in sales, a coming wave of layoffs, or a new threat from a competitor. Each person in the chain of communication activates the same underlying emotional state in the next, and so passes on the message to be alert.
[…]
The emotional economy is the sum total of the exchanges of feeling among us. In subtle (or not so subtle) ways, we all make each other feel a bit better (or a lot worse) as part of any contact we have; every encounter can be weighted along a scale from emotionally toxic or nourishing. While its operation is largely invisible, this economy can have immense benefits for a business or for the tone of organizational life.”
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
One of the hats that ADR practitioners are likely to be wearing these days is that of coach, and indeed many workplaces around the continent are adopting coaching as a skill set they want their managers or HR staff to have. Even as a mediator, my skill set as an effective mediator includes the ability to coach clients, not on substance, but on thinking about how to better frame their communications with one another and on how to manage the relationships involved.
This article focuses on the growing demographic of coaching in the workplace context. When my firm surveyed our public and private sector clients in managerial roles about what they wanted in terms of coaching skills for their organizations, a consistent set of circumstances, which we have come to call Paths, emerged. There were four distinct reasons why our clients wanted coaching skills, which arose again and again:
Properly used, coaching in the workplace can reduce conflicts and stress (for the coachee client, their managers, and others), can help retain good staff, improve their productivity, maintain and develop better working relationships, and enhance respect within a team.
In the context of the Progress Model of Coaching that we have developed over the last few years to meet the needs of our own clients and students, we define “coaching” very flexibly as:
the process of assisting someone to progress towards a desired goal.
Our coaching model is a flexible one whose seven components (the 7P’s) can be adapted to almost any situation, workplace or otherwise. The approach needs to suit the client, their purpose, and their context, while providing clear guidance on appropriate steps to follow or consider.
The components of the model, which are described in more detail below, include:
Being present. Having a presence. Being aware of and adapting to the client.
There are multiple components to the concept of Presence. Firstly, good coaches are present in the moment, paying attention to the client, focused and thinking. Secondly, we must establish a presence for ourselves as a coach/mentor. People listen best to people they respect and trust, that they see as true credible leaders or experts. Thirdly, to be truly effective as coaches/mentors we need to be aware of and appropriately adapting to our clients.
Clarify your mandate as a coach/mentor. Introduce the process appropriately to the situation. Identify and clarify the purpose of the sessions.
There are two primary aspects to Purpose. First is understanding one’s purpose as a coach, and establishing a clear appropriate mandate with the client. Before just diving into a coaching session with a client, we need to introduce and clarify with them the process that we will use and our role therein. Second, we need to identify and clarify the goals on which the client needs to work, their purpose in the situation they face. Identifying the purpose of the coaching session is essential, as everything we do should flow from that purpose.
Hearing their perspective. Exploring their perspective and that of other involved parties. Making them feel heard and understood.
To impact clients, we need to understand them, and they need to understand themselves and their situation. Having them describe their perspective on the issues at play allows us to hold the mirror up to their views. We can also clarify their views of the other parties in the situation. Getting the client to reflect on the perspectives of other people involved can shift the client’s views.
Have an effective path for achieving the purpose. Use the tools appropriate for the client and the coaching purpose.
The Path is the coach’s route, the roadmap, the approach, the steps taken to fulfill the coaching Purpose. There are many different Paths for moving someone through a coaching session (we’ve identified four primary ones above). Once we have identified and clarified the Purpose of the coaching, we then assist the client to move through a Pathappropriate for them, choosing the steps, skills, approaches, and tools suited to the individual and their issues.
Create a concrete doable action plan. Ensure that the client understands and buys into the plan.
Talking about an issue is not enough. For real growth or change to occur, a client should leave a coaching session with a clear doable action plan that is appropriate for the situation. Ideally, good coaches ensure that the client understands their plan, and what it realistically involves. Getting buy in from the client is essential to success here.
Let the client implement their plan. Where appropriate assist and encourage.
Clients should see themselves as the primary actors in the drama, even to the extent of feeling a moral or practical desire to implement their plan to the best of their ability. As coaches, there may be ways that we can help encourage implementation, providing ongoing moral support or even helpful resources to the client.
Ultimately, it is their plan. Let them own it. Let them do it.
Follow up. Assess progress. Adjust the plan as needed
Truly effective coaching requires substantive change or impact in the client, physically or mentally. Simply hoping that the session discussions will sink in is not enough. Where appropriate, schedule and conduct follow up on the progress being made by the client to assess how the action plan is working and determine what, if any, adjustments are needed. Meaningful progress from the client’s starting point is the goal.
Flexibility of the Model
Any model for managing a wide range of situations requires the flexibility to adapt to the situation and the client. Ultimately, coaching is a valuable facilitative service that can help clients grow in meaningful ways through their own efforts. As ADR practitioners, we can build coaching techniques into our practices, either as a stand alone coaching service or as part of how we approach mediation and other work we do with individuals facing problems.
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
By Richard Hastings on May 18, 2021
Connecticut Injury Resource Guide
An expert in Alternative Dispute Resolution, Elinor Whitmore B.A., LL.B., LL.M., C.Med is Vice President of the Stitt Feld Handy Group, a division of ADR Chambers, located in Toronto, Canada. The company offers professional development programs around the world and provides courses that teach people how to resolve conflicts, negotiate better deals, improve customer service skills, and improve workplace coaching skills.
What is Alternative Dispute Resolution and what is your experience in this area?
Alternative Dispute Resolution or “ADR” refers to any process for resolving disputes other than litigation. Therefore, negotiation, mediation, arbitration, using an ombud, and early neutral evaluator are all forms of ADR. That said, when people use the term “ADR” they are frequently referring to either mediation or arbitration.
I work for ADR Chambers which is the world’s largest dispute resolution service provider. For more than 20 years, ADR Chambers has provided conflict resolution services internationally.
ADR Chambers’ dispute resolution services include mediation, arbitration, ombud services, investigation, neutral evaluation, med/arb, fairness monitoring, workplace restoration, and private appeals. ADR Chambers’ neutrals are experienced dispute resolution professionals and include many top mediators, arbitrators, retired judges, and experienced lawyers. They are dedicated to helping legal and business communities resolve disputes in an efficient and cost-effective manner.
While ADR Chambers’ neutrals have always been able to offer our services virtually, historically we have offered the majority of our services in-person. During the pandemic, all of the services are being provided virtually.
I practiced law for 7 years prior to obtaining a Master of Laws in Alternative Dispute Resolution and also the designation of Chartered Mediator. I now dedicate my practice to mediating, teaching and coaching. I teach negotiation, conflict resolution, and how to have difficult conversations. The focus of my mediation work is to help people deal with issues and resolve conflicts in the workplace including disputes between members of the senior management team or other colleagues, between managers and employees, and within teams. I help my clients to have difficult conversations, resolve conflicts, and improve workplace functioning, communication, and morale.
What are the various types of alternative dispute resolution and why would one format be used over another?
Any mechanism for resolving conflicts other than going to court could be called a type of alternative dispute resolution. Therefore, negotiation, mediation, arbitration, med/arb, using ombuds, and early neutral evaluation are all examples of types of alternative dispute resolution.
Parties typically choose to use a form of alternative dispute resolution because it gives them greater control over the process, it will often be quicker and less expensive than going to court and they have the option of keeping the process private. When choosing which type of alternative dispute resolution to use, it can be useful to place the different processes on a spectrum.
As you examine the processes on the spectrum from left to right, you will typically find the following:
To determine which process would be most appropriate to resolve a particular dispute, the parties would want to consider, among other things :
What types of cases are typically submitted to alternative dispute resolution and why?
Virtually any type of case can be referred to mediation or arbitration. ADR Chambers neutrals have dealt with all manner of cases including, but not limited to disputes relating to:
Parties often select alternative dispute resolution because they hope to resolve their conflict in a way that will be more effective, less expensive, and less time-consuming than going to court. Also, alternative dispute resolution frequently allows parties to maintain confidentiality around the existence of the dispute, the content of the dispute, and the ultimate resolution of the dispute. Unlike with litigation, parties to mediation and arbitration are frequently in the position to choose the expert who will act as their mediator or arbitrator. They therefore can select a neutral third party who has the experience, expertise, and approach that they wish for their specific dispute.
What happens when someone agrees to alternative dispute resolution? What is the process and what happens? Is it binding or nonbinding? What are the benefits of agreeing to participate in ADR?
What happens when someone agrees to alternative dispute resolution will depend upon a number of factors, including the type of alternative dispute resolution and whether the process is voluntary or mandatory.
In some jurisdictions and in some contexts, parties may be required to participate in a mandatory mediation before going to trial or they may be required to submit their dispute to arbitration. In those cases, the nature of the process (e.g. mediation or arbitration) is typically stipulated in a contract or in legislation and the contract or legislation may also stipulate how the process will be conducted.
For example, some parties may be required to submit their claim to a single arbitrator who is selected from a pre-approved roster of arbitrators and who then must follow a predetermined process. In other cases, parties may be required to participate in a mediation of a predetermined length in front of a mediator who has been appointed to their case. In these situations, there may only be limited options available to the parties.
In cases when participating in mediation or arbitration is voluntary then the parties typically have much more control over the selection of the third-party neutral and the process.
“Often, the first decision the parties will need to make is whether they will be using mediation or arbitration. The choice will largely depend upon the level of control they wish to maintain over the process and the outcome.”
In mediation, the mediator tries to facilitate a discussion between the parties designed to help the parties to explore settlement options. The mediator has no decision-making authority and cannot impose a solution upon the parties. While the mediator is not in a position to impose a solution upon the parties, if the parties enter into an agreement, they do have the option of making the agreement binding in a variety of ways. For example, the parties may enter into a binding contract or, in some cases, they may present their settlement to a court and ask that the court issue an order on the same terms. Therefore, while the mediator cannot impose a solution, the parties are able to enter into a binding agreement coming out of a mediation process.
If the parties are proceeding by way of arbitration, they will have to decide whether to proceed with binding or non-binding arbitration. When choosing arbitration, parties typically choose binding arbitration because they are hoping to obtain a final result for their dispute. In a binding arbitration, the arbitrator is in a position to make a decision that will be binding upon the parties. Typically, an arbitral decision is subject to only limited review such as judicial review of the process or limited rights of appeal. In some cases, parties choose to forgo their rights to appeal as part of the arbitration process.
In addition to choosing whether the arbitration will be binding or non-binding, the parties will also typically have significant control over the design of the arbitration process. For example, they may agree that they wish the entire process to be conducted by way of documentary exchange. They may agree to have opening statements but limit the time allowed for each party’s opening statements. They can agree to allow certain evidence to be admitted on consent. They can agree to restrict the number of witnesses each party can call or agree to have all direct evidence introduced by affidavit to save time and costs. Broadly speaking, while the parties cannot fetter the discretion of the arbitrator, as long as the parties have agreed on the process they would like to follow, they can ask the arbitrator to adopt that process and the arbitrator will frequently agree.
Lastly, parties to a voluntary arbitration will have the ability to select the arbitrator they wish to retain. This allows them to select an arbitrator who has the expertise and experience they are looking for and one who is willing to proceed in a timely manner and adopt the process they have agreed upon.
In situations where the parties cannot agree on how the arbitration process should be structured, the arbitrator would normally have the jurisdiction to set the process for the parties.
The benefits of agreeing to participate in mediation vary depending upon the situation but the benefits typically include:
The benefits of agreeing to participate in an arbitration also vary depending upon the context but the benefits can include:
What are some of the best ways that a person can prepare for ADR when presenting their case and what other suggestions would you have for somebody who is considering utilizing a mediator or arbitrator?
Many of the best ways to prepare for arbitration are the same as the best ways for preparing for court while preparing for mediation has some similarities and many differences from preparing for court or arbitration.
Preparing for mediation can be similar to preparing for court in that, in both cases, parties or their advocates should spend time thinking about their opening statement. That said, the purpose, and therefore the design, of the opening statement will be very different.
In litigation, each party is preparing their opening statement to persuade the judge (or jury) to find in their favor based on a combination of facts and law. In a mediation, a party should prepare his or her opening statement with a very different goal. In a mediation, the party preparing his or her opening statement should do so with the goal of persuading the other party that settling the dispute is in the interests of that party. You might convince a judge in court that you are “right” and the other side is “wrong” but you will rarely convince the other party in a mediation of that view.
Therefore, the wise party (or their attorney) avoids trying to convince the other side that the wise party is right but, instead, tries to focus on how a settlement between the parties best meets the interests of the other side. It may meet their interests because it is less risky, less expensive, and/or less time-consuming than proceeding to litigation or leaving the matter unresolved.
A settlement may also meet the interests of the other side because it may result in a creative solution that is better than any result a court could impose. This is not to suggest that parties to a mediation might not wish to refer to what they perceive to be the strengths of their legal case and the weaknesses of the other side’s case. It is that, in referring to those perceived strengths and weaknesses, the party does not try to require the other side to agree but merely identifies the potential risks as against the certain benefits which could be obtained through settlement.
To prepare for a mediation, parties and their attorneys should also think about:
As noted above, many of the best ways to prepare for arbitration are the same as the best ways to prepare for court. For example, as with litigation, it is important when preparing for arbitration to know your case, prepare your opening, prepare your witnesses (if any), plan direct examination and cross, prepare your closing, etc. Where preparing for arbitration can differ from preparing for litigation is that the parties can agree to design the process to best meet their needs. Therefore, part of the preparation for arbitration would be to consider what process would be best for advancing your case in an effective way while eliminating unnecessary, time-consuming, and expensive steps.
The bottom line is that choosing a form of alternative dispute resolution allows the parties to choose a method for resolving their dispute that offers the greatest likelihood of achieving the results that are most important to them. If they are most concerned about maintaining or improving the relationship while resolving the dispute, they may select mediation. If they are most concerned about having a quick and binding result, they may choose an expedited arbitration process. If their greatest concern is keeping the matter out of court to maintain privacy, either option can meet that need. Once they have selected the process, they can prepare in the way that would be most effective for that process.
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
17 November, 2021
article by Rama Eriksson
FINDCOURSES.COM
Front and center in organizational priorities now is the humanization of the workplace. Human-centered leadership working in partnership with employee-centered strategies can help guarantee employee retention success. It is, by and large, the leaders of an organization who set the tone for employee belonging, engagement, and openness to change.
Fundamentally, it’s the boss factor that substantially influences employee happiness. (Only mental health is more important). It comes as no surprise then that 75% of Americans say that the most stressful part of their workday is their immediate boss.
People don’t leave companies, they leave leaders. Does your organization have managers that people won’t want to leave?
Read on for more understanding of how a manager’s leadership style is intrinsically linked to employee happiness … and thereby, their overall willingness to stay.
Employees Want Their Managers to be Coaches, not Bosses
In sports, a great coach makes the athlete better by creating an individualized development experience. They probe to reveal and then tap into the athlete’s unique and intrinsic motivation. They then leverage those strengths and characteristics to help achieve the athlete’s performance objectives.
The same can be said of a great manager. According to a wide-ranging Gallup study of 1.2 million employees in 22 organizations across 45 countries, great leaders aren’t managers in the traditional sense.
Instead, they are coaches who “focus on individual and team engagement, seeing their role as what employees need to succeed.” Gallup states that 7 out of 10 leaders and managers see developing talent as one of their primary tasks.
So exactly what makes a manager and what makes a coach? Is coaching always better and what, if any, are the challenges of a coaching leadership style?
What’s the Difference: Managers vs. Coaches?
Traditional managers manage people from a division of work and productivity perspective.
Coaching leaders are definitively relationship-based. Gallup’s research establishes three key ways coaching is distinct from managing.
Since they are development-focused, great coaching leaders attempt to understand and maximize the unique strengths of each employee. They continuously use and develop these talents to maximize corporate, as well as, individual outcomes. It’s a successful “win-win” tactic with research verifying that strength-based employee development provides 14-29% increased corporate profit.
The research seems clear on coaching versus managing, but nothing is ever so clear-cut. So, we asked the experts, our training providers, to weigh in with their perspectives. Below, they offer their takes on the differences between being a manager and being a coach.
How do Traditional Managers Lead vs. a Coaching Leader?
Managers are typically the ones “in charge.” Many employees aspire to managerial status as they are usually rewarded with better pay, benefits, bonuses, recognition, and power. Therefore, to many, it’s seen as a desirable position of status.
Dr. Maria Nemeth, Ph.D., from Academy for Coaching Excellence believes there’s an inherent power struggle between a manager and their employees which underlies every interaction.
“A manager has a specific agenda for the person they are managing. This agenda usually has to do with the success of the business in which they are working. It is almost always true that managers want the employee to stretch and grow specific success skills. However, there is a power dynamic in the manager/employee relationship which doesn’t exist at all when someone is being coached.”
In other words, it’s tough for the one “in charge” to let go of that power. They don’t trust their own people. This lack of trust in the workplace then creeps into all aspects of the employee experience to create a diseased workplace culture. It’s many an employee who complains of micromanaging bosses and feels disengaged.
Tara Powers, CEO of Powers Resource Center sees the distinction between managers and coaches like this: “Managers are responsible for planning, organizing and prioritizing the work so that their teams can accomplish a task or goal. It’s necessary to manage or direct tasks when things get off track or difficult decisions need to be made.
“Coaching is focused on personal and professional development and bringing out the best in others by building up skills, confidence, competence, and commitment.”
APLS Group contributes, “Managers are the experts– they present, sell, influence, problem solve and strategize. Coaches bring out the best in people through personalized teachings, expanding awareness to address the skills and qualities to ensure success and transform personal leadership skills that will link and align to organizational goals.”
“Coaches listen with a third ear– to the words and the meanings behind the words.”
“Traditionally, managers have relied on having all the answers,” asserts Oliver Martin, Director of Training at Stitt Feld Handy Group, a division of ADR Chambers. “A key distinction between coaching and managing is that coaching empowers employees instead of directing them.”
“A manager who focuses on “managing” may help staff to respond to a particular problem or attend to a specific task but the manager who focuses on coaching will help the employee to develop their potential to deal with issues in the future as well.”
Wes Martin, Manager of Leadership Development Services at Strata Leadership emphasizes both approaches to leadership. “At Strata Leadership, we discuss coaching as a tool in the managerial toolbox. As such, it isn’t the right approach for all situations. In the same way that a hammer and a wrench serve specific purposes for a handyperson, coaching and other management forms serve different purposes for managers.”
“The shift from a tell-and-direct to an ask-and-inquire approach of leading requires a shift in the manager’s self-concept.”
“Thus, in adopting a coaching approach, managers must believe that their effectiveness is based on the team’s success above and beyond individual success. This shift is critical and can be supported by an organization that rewards leaders for team, rather than individual, performance.”
What are the Benefits of a Coaching Leader?
Coaching is transformational— both individually and organizationally— according to our experts and the research. Leaders who focus on coaching, focus on the “people” part of being a people manager to exact change. When employees feel valued in their work and their experience, they are more likely to stay.
“Becoming a Coaching Leader is the key to transforming organizations into thriving communities of committed people who produce extraordinary results.” Ellen Cooperperson, President/Chief Learning Officer/Leadership Coach of Cooperperson Performance Consulting.
“Great coaching leaders inspire others to become the best version of themselves. This is the competitive edge that builds a vibrant organization and a success-driven team.”
What Does it Take to be a Coaching Manager? .… 3 Essentials
There are certainly times when a traditional tell-and-direct type of management style is warranted. A leader who can skillfully coach at pivotal moments, however, can have a greater impact on individual employee, team, and organizational success.
Becoming a human-centered coaching manager, though, is not an easy shift to make. We’ve identified three essential undertakings fundamental to becoming a coaching manager.
“We believe that coaching is not an event; it is a daily practice for managers.”
— Oliver Martin, Stitt Feld Handy
Martin elaborates, “Finding the time to coach and holding back from giving advice are the two most common coaching challenges that we hear from managers.” “The misperception is that coaching must be a formal and time-consuming process (i.e. a series of 60-minute meetings).”
For bosses used to a traditional management style, they have to shift their mindset to believe in the proverbial wisdom of “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
It behooves managers to be able to spot teaching opportunities and take the time to do so. Yes, it may take longer than simply directing the employee. But in the long run, managers who continuously coach their employees are rewarded with the rare commodity of time, in addition to empowered employees who can find meaning in their work.
“If a company truly supports coaching and development, it must commit to helping managers create the time and space for coaching.”
— Tara Powers, Powers Resource Center
Powers goes on to emphasize, “This may mean additional resources, more reasonable onboarding of new employees and new clients, and communicating the expectation that developing others is their number one priority.”
Most organizations do not provide incentives or skills for managers to focus on employee happiness. Yet, these days, there are inordinate pressures on organizations to retain employees.
Expectations are sky-high. Since an employee’s relationship with management is such a critical driver of overall satisfaction in interpersonal relationships at work– not to mention mental wellbeing– organizations cannot leave such a crucial factor up to chance.
“Managers need to adopt a coaching mindset and they need specific skills, such as asking powerful coaching questions, to be able to coach effectively.”
— Oliver Martin, Stitt Feld Handy
The research and our experts make a coaching leadership style sound like a magic bullet. But It’s unbelievably rare that managers intuitively know how to coach employees.
Gallup’s research contends that only 1 in 10 people can be considered “great managers.” The ones who build relationships that create trust, open communication, and transparency. Even when managers understand deep inside the reasons they should adopt a more coaching style, the habits of authority can easily get in the way.
Great managers don’t become great on their own. Any manager, though, can become an engaging coaching leader who employees don’t want to leave.
The benefits of coaching managing versus traditional managing are clear. These skills are, most importantly, not mutually exclusive from the other. With a little training, any manager can develop their ability to coach employees to success.
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
Negotiation is often overlooked in professional training because people think that since they’ve been negotiating every day of their lives, they have become good at it. We write notes every day yet if we look at our current handwriting, few of us would say that it has improved over the years. Negotiation is both an art and a science and even the most seasoned negotiators can benefit from becoming acquainted with the latest skills and techniques.
Trainers have significant choices when it comes to training their staff and negotiation is now being recognized as a key training feature. Employees need negotiation training to deal more effectively with customers, clients, suppliers, co-workers, business associates and family members. Better negotiation skills allow employees to resolve disputes more efficiently, improve workplace relationships and feel more empowered in the workplace environment. This leads to a happier, more productive employee and ultimately a more profitable organization.
However, the cost and time away from work of professional training can represent a significant barrier for companies and organizations whose employees would benefit from receiving training. A high quality negotiation workshop takes 3 – 5 days to complete and can cost up to $2000. Many smaller organizations simply can’t afford to lose their employees for that length of time or spend that kind of money on its entire sales force or customer service department. Even though an employee who receives negotiation training can save the organization many times the cost of the course over a year, some organizations just can’t afford to have employees out of the office.
An increasingly popular alternative to in-class training is online learning. This alternative allows existing training budgets to go further and to deliver higher returns. Online training accomplishes this by lowering the costs, per capita, of delivering training. Perhaps more than cost – time is a precious and scarce resource. Learning time can be reduced by as much as 75% when a person learns online. Also, the participants in an online course don’t have to leave the office and are available in case of emergency. Over 90 percent (2002 Ipsos-Reid survey) of online educational users in Canada say they would recommend e-learning to others because it furthered their employment chances, was time-saving and provided them with the opportunity to take a course they wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Until recently, however, there remained a marked gap between the quality of online courses when compared to classroom seminars. The primarily text-based online courses involved a lot of reading and some testing. Even though lectures could be downloaded and videos could be viewed, users complained that they felt bored and isolated. People rarely finished the courses that they had started.
Fortunately new communication and computer technologies are making online training far more interesting and in some ways superior to classroom based training. For example, the Stitt Feld Handy Group has recently developed a totally interactive negotiation course that is indicative of the new wave of more interactive online training. Other institutions, especially online Universities and established Universities, are also improving their online training. Providers range from Jones International University and California State University that offer degrees in negotiation to U4all.com and 24/7 University that offer short and inexpensive courses. Concordia University is offering online negotiation courses for its students and does ongoing innovative research in the field of online training. Potential consumers of online training, when faced with a range of options, should take a demonstration tour of online training options they are considering, check that they have the necessary technology and, in doing so, determine whether the course will keep a students’ attention.
At Stitt Feld Handy, we have embraced online training as an increasingly important option for our negotiation students. “Experience has taught us that the best way for people to develop negotiation skills is through practice and interactive exercises, rather than lectures,” says Allan Stitt, president of the Stitt Feld Handy Group. This approach has been so successful that today most adult education is performed in such a manner. We called on a colleague, filmmaker Michael Gibson, with whom we had worked in the past, to develop a fun, interesting, and leading edge course using Flash Media technology. “We saw that there was an opportunity to teach with this technology,” says Gibson, producer of the Online Negotiation Course.
Flash allows for extremely dynamic content in a relatively small file size. This allows online course participants to experience fast-paced and interactive negotiation simulations with a dial-up Internet connection. “Without this technology, we simply could not design simulations this intricate and life-like and deliver them over the web” says Gibson.
The online negotiation course is made up of 7 simulated negotiations with very difficult animated computer characters. The characters talk to you and challenge you, and you have to respond and negotiate with them, trying to get the best deal. The animated characters have difficult personalities, making for hard cases and tough negotiations. Participants therefore have to struggle through realistic and challenging situations. Students are introduced to each scenario and told what their goals are. Within each simulation they are given choices as what to say and how to act. Each decision takes a student on a different path which leads to a specific finale. If the student does not negotiate an optimal agreement, he or she is given an explanation as to what they did wrong and what could be done better in the future and are asked to restart the module again.
“The benefit of simulations is that they transform the user from a passive recipient of information to an active participant faced with a series of challenging decisions” says Gibson. “Simulations give the user experience that may take years to achieve in life.”
Simulations have long been used to train pilots. One of the great advantages of simulations is that educators can place the user in dangerous true-to-life situations. The user then acts under real pressure to resolve the crisis. If the user fails, there is no loss of life or damage to property.
Perhaps not surprisingly, the students’ evaluation of simulated online courses (especially negotiation based training) has been very positive; users like experiential learning because they are actively involved. Almost all students reported instances where they successfully integrated insights gained in the course into their private life. For example, Martha Barnes, a Toronto property manager had this to say about the Stitt Feld Handy Group online negotiation course: “The course gave the participant the opportunity to negotiate and make wrong choices but still be able to repeat the scenario to discover a better deal. The role playing done in the relative safety of your own office, without too much pressure, meant that I did not get frustrated and give up.”
The challenge when creating engaging simulations for delivery over the Internet is the need to keep the file sizes down. Nobody wants to wait half an hour to download a 5meg video that takes only five minutes to play. “We designed our whole course using Macromedia’s Flash,” says Gibson. “It offers sound and animations and a robust ability to provide interactions specific to the user’s input. Our users can become thoroughly engaged in one of our simulations for over an hour with a streamable file of between 1 and 2 megs. Wait times with a dial-up connection and 56k modem never exceed 2 minutes with our modules.”
The online simulation format seems to be particularly appropriate for negotiation training for a number of reasons. People have the opportunity to improve their negotiation by practicing new techniques, failing, trying again, and ultimately succeeding. In the privacy of their homes or offices, participants feel comfortable taking the risks that they might hesitate to take in the real world or even in an in-class workshop. Online participants can experiment to their hearts’ content. Virginia Norris, a California based teacher noted: “The graphics and voices were great, and the people talked as regular people would talk. Having a face in front of me was just as scary as having the actual person staring at me and I learned to overcome my fear and get my interests met.”
Although it is unlikely that online training will ever replace professional development seminars entirely, in the field of negotiation especially, online courses have something important to offer. As the design technology available becomes more and more advanced, online negotiation training will likely become an important option for students and trainers alike.
Written by Radek Cecha
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
In 2010, I somewhat reluctantly attended a seminar on the topic of how judges should plan for and cope with their inevitable mandatory retirement upon reaching the age of seventy-five. Thankfully, it was the beginning of planning for a new professional approach for myself.
For some of my fellow judges, retirement was welcome, but for others like myself, it was not desired. I had spent over forty years on the Bench and I appreciated the challenges of being a judge specializing in family law.
With my colleagues on the Family Law Bench and Bar we had lived through major changes in family law including the development of the Unified Family Court which presently serves about forty percent of the population in Ontario. I believe that there are plans to further extend this Court to most, it not all, of the province.
One of the important procedural rules first implemented in the Unified Family Court in 1977 was the requirement of case management with judicial involvement in settlement conferences involving the parties and their counsel. However successful this process has been, I had always been concerned that this process does not allow judges enough time to deal with complex issues as they try to assist parties to work out reasonable settlements. There has always been a lack of judicial complement to satisfactorily complete this pre-trial settlement process, which can take several hours for each difficult case.
At the retirement conference, the discussions led by the speakers indicated that in order to adjust well to my retirement, it was important to work out a plan ahead of time. After giving it some thought, I decided that I would try to build up a modest mediation practice using the settlement techniques that I had learned on the Bench.
My first steps toward becoming a mediator were to read a few articles and books on mediation, and to speak to counsel about mediation styles that they and their clients preferred. I became quite aware that the traditional judicial approach in mandated family law settlement conferences was not always welcome as it was often too evaluative and too judicially controlled.
It was then necessary for me to learn what was expected of a family law mediator and so I attended a mediation course presented by Richard Shields, Antoinette Clark and Darlene Murphy. They stressed the requirement of the neutrality of a mediator in the process, the necessity of hearing from each party as well as their counsel, and of the importance of ensuring that each party is capable of negotiating towards a settlement without any duress or fear of future physical or emotional harm.
Generally speaking, the mediator’s task is to encourage constant communication between all parties, without judging the validity of their positions. A mediator is meant to help the parties narrow their differences and to encourage them to make offers to settle with a view to enabling them to ultimately settle their differences.
I discussed my future with a few friends, lawyers and colleagues and concluded that it would be wise to join a law firm which supported the use of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR). The late Eugene Fedak, a retired Superior Court Justice encouraged me to contact the firm Ross & McBride LLP, with which he was then associated as a mediator. I then met with Andrew Spurgeon, a partner of Ross & McBride, who encouraged me to practice mediation of family law and estate issues, in association with the firm.
When I turned seventy-five years old on November 21, 2012, I ceased to be a judge. Within a few days, I commenced an associative relationship with Ross & McBride. Some short time later, I also became an associate with the ADR Chambers in Toronto and joined the ADR Institute of Ontario.
I have been now working as a mediator for over three years. My sessions with Shields, Clark and Murphy were very helpful to me as I was developing my mediation skills.
Here are some useful skills and ideas developed in my time as a mediator that I can share:
In short, the mediation process is a way to expeditiously resolve family disputes. For parties who are not wealthy, it is appropriate to pursue mediation where settlement discussion are breaking down. Husbands and wives might insist that their counsel consider mediation where they have some confidence that all of the material necessary to settle a case can be or has been produced. It also may sometimes be appropriate to consider mediating a matter in the middle of a court proceeding.
Prepared by The Honourable David M. Steinberg
Assisted by Meredith Baker
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
Elinor Whitmore reviews some tools for managing strong emotions in a challenging conversation, whether the emotions are your own, or those of the other person.
To learn conflict resolution skills that you can use at work and in your personal life, please visit our Alternative Dispute Resolution Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To improve your negotiation skills and get the results you want while negotiating, please visit our Become a Powerful Negotiator Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
To gain skills to handle difficult conversations and difficult people with confidence, please visit our Dealing With Difficult People Workshop page to learn more about upcoming in-person and instructor-led online sessions.
